Interviewer: So what Diet are you on?
so tonight my philosophy professor had these nasty bruises all over her arms and she stopped mid-lecture to say “sorry you guys have to look at my bruised-up body, my friend brought a stripper pole over for thanksgiving and that shit is not easy. tip your strippers. tip your strippers well” and then immediately kept talking about philosophy
happiness begins with an h and ends with an s but so does harry styles so there really isn’t a difference
you know what a scary thought is
people shutting down bookstores because “no one buys books” anymore they just download them
and if thats not scary then i dont know what is
the only math i ever want to do consists of counting my money when im rich and famous